(DISCLAIMER: DOES NOT APPLY IF YOU ARE IN A STABLE LOVING RELATIONSHIP)
WHERE DID THE LOVE GO?
In the age of Tinder, digital porn, and anti-slut shaming, it’s easy to compartmentalize sex, get off, and move onto the next no-strings-attached adventure.
As a woman, the first time I had casual sex (after my college boyfriend of 3 years), I found it to be liberating AF and was even proud that I could play the “who cares less” game as well as a man could.
After all, we love cumming as much as the next man.
Fast-forward a decade and we're lucky if a man calls to get to know us and takes us on a proper date. Instead I hear horror stories from my girlfriends about dick pics, “wanna fuck” sexts, and late night booty calls.
I have to wonder what in society is driving this behavior.. I think it's a combination of things:
70% of young men watch porn once a week if not more. They are taught to treat women as sex objects, not human beings with feelings. In addition, porn offers variety, which can translate into difficulty being monogamous in real life. Sex used to be a scarce experience that men had to to work for. They had to shamefully go to the newsstand to buy a Playboy and then hide in the woods to enjoy it. Now they just google it and get it on their phones for free.
It’s so much easier than actually trying to get women to like them enough to have sex with them.
The same phenomenom that has happened with porn is happening with dating. You can get a penis or vagina ordered to your door.
“I hooked up with three girls, thanks to the Internet, off of Tinder, in the course of four nights, and I spent a total of $80 on all three girls,” Nick relays proudly.
“Sex has become so easy,” says John, 26, a marketing executive in New York.
“I can go on my phone right now and no doubt I can find someone I can have sex with this evening, probably before midnight.” – Vanity Fair, August 2015
We are allowing this! We’ll sext back, send nudes, or
accommodate the booty calls because it's hot and we enjoy sex too! Call it another sexual revolution because we aren’t ashamed of our sexuality anymore. We are proud to enjoy getting off as much as our fellow man. However, we’ve made a once scarce and highly valuable experience for a man, super easy to come by now. Did we lose our upper hand?
If we want men to take us on proper dates, make romantic gestures and actually get to know us, should we collectively (yes it's only going to work if we ALL commit) hold back on the sex until we feel a real meaningful connection?? I’m not sure we are willing to give that up. Maybe depend more on our vibrators until the love happens??? Would love to hear your thoughts on this. Please comment below!
In the meantime, I’ve designed a crop top (inspired by vagina art master Georgia O'Keeffe) as an expression of a time in my life when my vagina was a way to communicate true love, you know, like that 90’s R&B kind of love. Happy Valentine’s Day!